All we can hope is that 2017 is nothing like 2016 was.
Hey guys, it’s been a while and boy does it feel good to sit here and talk to you. Whether anyone is reading or not, it brings my heart so much joy to be creative and put out content. I won’t make any promises – I’m well aware that I’ve done so before and fallen short but if 2016 did anything good for me it was make me realize how truly unhappy I am with my life and 2017 will be a year that I vigorously work to correct that.
My professor said to us this morning that we all have “one wild and precious life” and for some reason, that really stirred something inside of me. It made me think and it made me want to put up this post. I want to unleash a bit of my wild self, I want to pour myself into creative projects, edgy photoshoots, risky fashion and beauty but I also want to keep in mind how precious life is and to think twice before wasting entire days let alone moments on netflix binges when there is so much work to do. I regret those netflix binges and they did nothing for me, in fact with every binge I fell more and more into the trap of laziness and rather than working on improving my life and myself, I lay on my back for 5+ hours staring at a screen being completely unproductive.
Productivity in other aspects of life was good, although I do believe that energy would have been better spent elsewhere, such as here. I got good grades – ones that I’m proud of yet I feel no real satisfaction. I worked a lot, and although in the beginning the spending of entire paychecks felt good and urged me to work more, now having something in my savings account satisfies me and I am learning to think twice before clicking the big “buy now” button.
On a very personal note, in 2016 I dealt with a lot of depression and my old pal anxiety had a strong hold over me. Many nights were spent weeping silently to myself, soaking my pillows before bed. I longed to get into bed and it took an ungodly amount of force to get me out of it. Often times, I would sit somewhere lost in thought, but not really thinking of anything. For weeks I operated on auto-pilot, not finding joy in anything but not letting anyone notice either (really, where’s my Oscar?). My head was filled with the weight of regret and the not knowing what the future held, whether it was a future worth living and whether I would ever be truly happy with my life.
Now it’s no matter a question of if, but when.
Stay tuned on this journey with me.
Trust me, you’ll want to.