And just like that, the first week of 2018 is over.
It’s no secret that the past year had been very tough on me. That reflected on a lot of my work – both here on the blog and in other aspects of my life. Relationships and friendships took a toll, school and my ability to give a shit about it took a toll and my mental and physical health definitely took tolls.
At the beginning of the year, just a couple of short weeks in, my family learned the heart-wrenching news that my mother had developed breast cancer. It is one of the hardest things to hear, to process, to try to understand. I was absolutely terrified and heart-broken. I knew what the next year would bring. I can’t even imagine how my mother must have felt.
As expected, the year brought with it chemo appointments, consultations, surgeries and even made the smell of the hospital become a familiar scent that we had no option but to embrace. The smell became comforting in a strange way. It smelled like hope. I cannot thank the nurses, the doctors and everyone on mom’s care team enough.
I took a lighter course load for Spring semester so that I could be more available for my mom, even contemplating taking it off altogether. No one really knew what the right thing to do was. We just took every day one at a time.
Some days felt much longer than others, but somehow the year passed and thankfully mom got better. Finally, the calm after the storm. I looked back and reflected at what the past year had been for me as far as accomplishments. To be honest, there weren’t really any I was super proud of. I completed all of my classes with a 95% or above (except Accounting, don’t even get me started), I worked and saved some money and I was there for every chemo and every important appointment – those things I am proud of. But there was definitely something missing. I felt I had been starving the creative side of me. I needed a release.
A short stint at being back to blogging thanks to my interning for myself was a start. I was regularly posting and everything was going well…. until it wasn’t. Finally, now I get the feeling of hope that things are going back to normal and I am so ready for 2018 and all it will bring with it. My mental and physical health need this break.
Here are some things I plan on working towards in 2018:
- I am going to stop putting so much pressure on myself – whether it be with school, work, etc. My brain needs a break!
- Posting regularly here. Time is so, so valuable. I learned this in 2017 and so I must prioritize my passions and not things that I don’t want to be spending my valuable time on.
- Going off the previous point, I am graduating in 4 months and no longer need to stress over each percentage point of my grades. It’s time to focus LESS on school – I realize this is totally different than the norm but after all these years, it’s my time.
- I also strayed from my vegan diet in 2017 by bringing dairy back into my life – something I regret. I want to keep a balance where I can still eat out and have fun but also keep in mind the health of myself and others.
- Honestly, I felt like this year I put all of my effort into my makeup artistry and not so much on my fashion choices. I fell slave to the convenience of just having to wear mostly black to work and my entire wardrobe became all black all the time – black leggings, t-shirts, etc. At one point, I hadn’t worn jeans in over a month. I was getting sloppy. This year I want to get more into styling my outfits and not just throwing things on.
- Lastly, boobs (this is so uncomfortable to talk about). I have always had larger ones. They’re definitely disproportionate to my body and I have always hid them (lots of my friends don’t even know I have such a large bust I hide it so well) and hated them – to the point where I seriously considered a breast reduction. Instead, I have decided to have a year of embracing them. Sure, they’re too big and sure, my shoulders constantly hurt and yes, there are definitely a lot of things I can’t wear due to them, but people get boob jobs for larger breasts and I am not going to just throw away what Mother Nature gave me. So, while they are still sitting right, I am giving myself a year to embrace them and decide if I want to keep them or not.
There you have it. No promises. Just bear with me.
I wish that anyone and everyone that reads this has an amazing 2018.
Thanks for reading.