THIS IS LIFE.

This is not an excuse. This is life.

 

I do and don’t want to write this.

I want to respect the privacy and wishes of the person whom I am talking about so I won’t disclose much information. But I had someone in my family become ill. Very ill. Worst case scenario ill. And I thought to myself in the midst of all of this heart break, who the hell cares what my favorite lipgloss is? Who cares what I bought at Sephora? There are people in the world going through absolute shit. Who cares?!

I wanted to and in many ways… I gave up. I gave up on things that bring me joy, I worried tirelessly behind closed doors, I worked and went to school and let that become my life in between doctors visits. I won’t make their illness about me. I have not suffered nearly as much as they have. But I have suffered. And it has shown. Especially here and in my schoolwork. In my habits. In my personality.

I had lost my drive to do nearly anything. Often work-time bathroom breaks involved me sitting in a stall reminding myself to breathe. Just breathe. 

Today I can breathe. Good news has come from the doctors.

I can breathe. 

I am breathing. 

Now I have a yearning and a will to return to my life. To do the things I used to do. To return to myself.

I made myself a promise at the beginning of the year to really do my blog justice. I had plans to do so. I had plans to do a lot of things. This year has really shown me that while life is indeed wild and precious, it is unpredictable, it can be painful and you are a fool if you think it will all go according to plan.

I’m not making plans. Half of the year has gone in a blink and who knows what the other half has in store for me. I’m not making plans to do a certain number of blog posts a week or to finish my last fall semester with any specific grades. I plan on breathing.

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed.